Alistair Westcott is a well known registered marriage officer who conducts wedding services in Afrikaans or English
in a casual or formal manner. His services include denominational, traditional and personal weddings, for heterosexual couples.
Visit his website...
-- Based In Pretoria --
-- Playing In Gauteng And Surrounding Provinces --
--- JOKES FOR THE BRAVE ---
A fact of life:
One woman brings you into this world crying and the wife ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven!
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
Internet, telephone and telawoman!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
If you are married please ignore the following message:
Happy Independence Day!
Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish...
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long!
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, he'll shut up once you let him in.
